KAYS. So going to be going on a 13+ hour plane ride tomorrow. My excitement is contagious, isn't it.

...yeah okay.

And I'm probably not going to have internet connection for the majority of the two months, considering that I'm probably going to be doing Olympic-related stuff (boring, footpeople work. No, I don't get to see the athletes. No, I don't get to go to games for free. Hopefully the experience will make up for the complete lack of excitement) the entire time. But I will fight with my cousin for his computer, so I may get on here once in a while.

Extended essay update (oh I could drown in the joys of IB):
0/4000 words written
a biiit of bibliography work done
doodled in the margins of printouts in highlighter

So I was a retard and deleted my entry. But thankfully, I had it saved on my computer. Wheee.


So I haven't posted in a while. Eh. BUSY STUFF GOING DOWN. I was in Maine for a week, which was great 'cause I got to see Bates and visit relatives, ya-da ya-da, and realized that Bates would actually be a great school for me. So even if I don't get into the school(s) that I've prioritized, I still have a really good option later. Provided that I get into that option. Mmf. Well yes, nice little vacation, played video games all day, not something I'm used to, but it was fun anyway. Had my phone off, so I missed a flurry of movement from my friends as they went on their various vacations, which sucks 'cause I didn't get to hang out with them, and so I'm never leaving my phone off for long periods of time EVER AGAIN. And also, I'm going to Dartmouth this Saturday, going to be in the car for like 10 hours or so, KILL ME? And what if it's not all it's cracked up to be? WHERE WILL MY DREAM SCHOOL BE, THEN. And then on Sunday, I'm going to that Gay Pride Parade thing! Wooos. Never been to one before, and I figure if I get bored I can always go to see Wanted or Wall-e with my friend who I'm dragging along. WILL TAKE PICS. Yay. And so after a hectic weekend, I'll be on a 13+ hour flight to China! I'm excited already. See. Excitement. And I'll be in Beijing for a few days, then going to Shanghai to visit my doggies 'n kitties 'n whatnots (my dad has a house there, it's complicated), and then I'm having a friend over from Korea, and then I'm rushing back to Beijing to do... other things that I'm still not quite clear about.

IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY SUMMER.


EDIT: Holy crap Ivanovic. WHAT'S WITH THIS YEAR'S WIMBLEDON. Although I'm happy for China (whee go China), WHAT IS THIS. I will cry tears of blood if Federer doesn't win. Although now everyone's saying that it's Rafa's time, so technically Federer's the... underdog? And the favorites haven't been having a good run. So maybe that's a good sign for him? Arrghghgh.

EDIT 2: So I'm watching ESPN2 and turns out, both Roddick and Blake are out, and Davydenko (ew) got out first round or something. REALLY, WHAT'S WRONG HERE.


AND HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO ED WESTWICK. And we're only five years apart, so I WILL WAIT FOR HIM. Or uh, the other way around. Oh ilubb <3

SO I MADE BREAKFAST FOR MYSELF TODAY. Yeah uh-huh amazing. It was a cross between scrambled eggs and a tomato omelette, but IT WAS EDIBLE. And was actually pretty good, if I say so myself.

Next up, FOIS GRAS AVEC LES TRUFFLES.

Yeah okay.

And in other news, I love Brian Kinney again, like whooooa. I never stopped loving him, but there was a definite break somewhere between march?Ithink and now.

BUT HE'S AMAZING AGAIN. And he's fantastic and he loves Justin and his voice is going to haunt my dreaaams <3 I was debating between watching the first season over again, but I'm way too impatient and would probably skip everything anyway. SO SECOND SEASON YAY.

FINALS ARE OVER.

NYSSMA IS OVER.

SCHOOL IS OVER.

No wait, no, I've still got Extended Essay and college visiting and finishing up to do. But ye gods it's SUMMER VACATION.

And what better to top it all off with RAFA WINNING THE ARTOIS CHAMPIONSHIPS. God he so deserved this, I love me some Novak, but Rafa's just that much more amazing <3

SO FRENCH OPEN '08, BEST EVER.

not that I've been much of a religious tennis fan before now, but ehh. Maria Sharapova is actually like, my girlcrush. And I never get those, never ever ever ever everrr. But she's gorgeous. And she plays really well, no matter what those stupidass critics have to say, even if she does sound like a man when she's on court. AND UM WTF@SAFINA? I mean I was sort of rooting for her in the beginning, but I wanted Maria to winnnnn. And now like, she's lost her number 1 spot to Ivanovic/Jankovic, which is depressing, because she would've made a great #1. I dunno, balance out the Federer looks.

It would be great if Safina won the French Open, sort of like Jennifer Hudson's cinderella story at the Oscars. But I don't want to see... I think it's Ivanovic? get beaten, 'cause then she'll probably lose that spot too. I dunno. Tennis is confusing.

BUT OH MY GOD NOVAK DJOKOVIC. Ahh those Serbs, I love them. Now I don't even know if I want Nadal to win... no yes I take that back, RAFA FOR FRENCH OPEN 'O8. I mean come on, HE NEEDS TO MAKE HISTORY. Clay's his only good court, he needs to whoop Federer's ass and win on the only court that he can beat him on. Djokovic can have Australia, but don't steal Rafa's glory D:

He's hilarious, though. Ahhaha and his site, IRRISTABLE CHARM. And playing tennis in a tux? Umokay, I thought that was just Federer's style?

I love him. Just. Please lose in the semis. heartsies <3

2360, BABY.

So I felt that I needed to share. alskhgh. ThankGOD, I would've had to kill myself if I had to take that stupid test over again. But naturally, my ecstatic state was clouded over by the fact that within ten minutes of me finding out my score, everyone in my grade knew it as well. It was just like. Umwow? People started coming up to me and alternately congratulating me and giving me the evil eye, it was weird. I know that I should be insanely grateful for actually getting that score, but it slightly scares me that so many people are comparing themselves to me now, and trying to beat me. Especially my own friends, 'cause they're the most competitive in the grade, and I can already tell that there will be some iciness that I'm going to to have to ignore. And the only reason I wasn't mauled today was 'cause I had my Anthro exam, and could avoid classes and shiz.

BUT I'M SO HAPPY.

And I only have Paper 2 of  my Anthro exam left!! Cue the excitement.

I wanted to completely swear off anything LJ or internet related until my SATs in May, then my Anthro IB exam also in May, and my finals in June, 'cause I need to ace all of them in order to get into Dartmouth/Williams/whatever college I want to go to. But I got back into this old fandom of mine that's so addictive, and I've been reading fanfictions whenever I'm not with my friends, and generally wasting the entire Spring Break. Yarghgh, why don't my plans go as planned??

And it sucks, 'cause I don't talk to most of my internet friends anymore now that we have different interests; I mean, I guess it's good in the way that I know which friends I actually connect with, but still. It's depressing not to be bombarded with different IMs talking about the latest development in the world, or whatever it is that we used to talk about. What sucks even more is that I don't particularly mind. It's like I've grown up and past that phase, and they're still in it, even though all of them are older than me, and it's just like. Like I feel that they're keeping me back from growing. I dunno. I'm all confused and crap. I want to be able to type out a hugeass rant about my life, and have it sorted and out of my system, but the words just aren't flowing.

Ah yeah, words. I so envy the people who can write out huge stories with complex and convoluted plots without having to work at it, having it just flow, channeling the characters and the entire situation to make their readers believe it so much that the fandom that the story is based off of is less interesting? That didn't make sense right there. BUT STILL. I look at my fanfiction account, and it's like, hrm I have become a better writer, but I can't manage to get that natural feel that the other authors get. Not that I'm complaining, 'cause if I could do that I would have to work at it and feel compelled to write, and with my procrastination schedule I wouldn't be able to fit that in, but still. It would be nice, to be creative and flow-y and all that stuff.

Okay, so nearly a week and a half without internet-people contact. That must be a record for me.

So I'm watching the two episodes of MMASM that I missed, and it's actually blowing my mind away. I figure I'll just write as I go with the episodes, so it'll be more like, pure unadulterated WHEEEE as I watch it rather than a WHEE muted by an immense boo. 'cause from the slight spoilers that I've been watching, I might have to go off and cry in a corner. And plus, I love re-reading my reactions after I've reacted, it's so much fun. This is mainly just for my benefit, just to organize my thoughts and stuff.



Yeah, there was something else I wanted to write about... oh yeah. I want to go college touring soon, but I'm just so scared to see what my college counselor is going to say to me about my college choices. I mean like, what if she takes one look at my transcript and goes, "uh Dartmouth? Haha, you're kidding, right?" I'll probably go and sob in a corner afterwards. And I can't even imagine if she does say that Dartmouth is one of my stretch schools, and I go and apply early and I've just got so much pent-up hope that if I end up getting rejected I'll be so horribly depressed.

It's mostly that I've got such a huge ego, 'cause my school doesn't have the smartest people out there, and people have filled my head with visions of the IB being really hard and it being a really good collegeapp thing, but still. I've gone and gotten my hopes up about these Ivies, and I might end up being rejected from every single one of them and dumped on some other halfrate college that I'll spend four miserable years at? Ughgghhg, and all this schoolwork is just so stressful, I feel like shooting all those freshmen who are like, "oh well we have two papers due this week" it's just like "YEAH OK YOU WANNA DEAL WITH MY WORKLOAD? YEAH I THOUGHT SO."

And it's making me a bitch, would you lookatthat. Nyergh, I need to go chip at that workload now, MMAS wasn't the best de-stresser.

So I've got this debate on Tuesday, and I always have such good luck when it comes to debate partners, I get the ONE person in the class who doesn't do squat and of course, I have to do everything. Again. Which, given my luck isn't surprising, but I figured I would get a break after that fiasco on the science project. I've currently got papers strewn all over my desk and floor and actually have some that I'm sitting on which are very uncomfortable, but I can't keep track of them otherwise.  And this thing is so completely insensitive of my history teacher, seeing as the UNIS-UN conference is going to be in this week, and since I'm on the executive committee of the stupid thing, I'm going to go to about two classes the entire three days before the conference. And wont' have time to do work because the stupid people coming from Dubai didn't give in their forms until the last fucking minute and still want hosting, and I need to arrange that. They should be fucking grateful for us busting our asses trying to get them host families, begging and pulling in favors, and they still complain and bitch about the conference and compare it to MUN and it's just like. Shut up and go away.

I'M NOT BITTER, REALLY.

Yeah and there was something else I wanted to talk about, but I forgot and I should really be working on my debate. WHEE STALINGRAD. I normally love history, and lovelovelove the wars, especially WWII, but ugh. I can never do debates/papers on them, because I end up going in way deep and start reading about personal accounts and then I get all weepy 'cause it's really sad how one of them has to lose and they know about the impending loss and it's just alskhg.

Okay so I'm going to procrastinate even further and go with this meme thing :]

WHY, WHY MUST ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END. MMAS is being very disappointing lately, with the constant B3ing of models with good entertainment value, and the lack of boylove... It's becoming very uninteresting; if it goes on, it'll just be like ANTM except without the fun that is Tyra and with hot guys. Which, is a major point on MMAS' side, but still. There's only so much eyecandy can go for.

So really, Ben. What the fuck was up with that, why are you being so... not the Ben we know and love? I'm really really really hoping that Ben is just a competitive person and only said those mean shitty things to Ronnie (&Casey, but not so much) 'cause he was full of the frustration at losing a competition &c&c and that it wasn't his actual personality. I mean, there is a huge chance that he was an asshole in the first place, but Ronnie had a crush on him and Bravo did some major editing to put him in a good view in order to get the whole Ben/Ronnie advertising point out, but that would take an insane amount of time to look for non-asshole-ey moments and they just don't have that, when they have to edit the film as they film the models doing whatever they're doing.

He had a lapse in judgment and fucked up. But then when I think about it, he really should know better, seeing as how him and Ronnie were fastBBFs and stuck around each other for however many weeks they've been there. Part of me thinks that what he said about, "Oh you can build huge penises in the snow 'cause you're gay" is inexcusable and so inappropriate and insensitive that he should be voted off by mere lack of sportsmanship alone; and even if we shouldn't base our votes on how we feel about contestants, his modeling isn't that amazing either.

BUT I MEAN. Especially in the bravosupermodel comm, everyone started jumping on Ben, tearing him apart about how he never was a good model, he didn't deserve to be there, he wasn't right for the competition, yadayadayada. I dunno, I just think that some people are suddenly picking at his faults because he went and shot his mouth off , rather than impartially judging him on his modeling ability. Of course, I only watch the show for entertainment value, and I openly admit that I'm voting based on whoever I like the best, not who I think is the better model. I'm also not saying that all the people in the comm are only saying that Ben's a bad model now because he was an asshole, because I know some disliked his look, and thought his ability and potential were at the lowest in the group, but that the fact that he was an asshole brought on a whole slew of previously unheard of complaints about him. It's like suddenly everyone's become a vulture and viciously tearing at him because of Ronnie.

Uslkgh what happened to the old days when all I had to do was stare at the t.v. screen and let my braincells die.

What the hell, why did they take off all the episodes of QaF from youtube. NOT COOL. So now I'll either have to wait for years for badquality videos load and accidentally close the windows to make all the waiting in vain, or I can wait for... now until May, when I take my SATs.

My entire life is about the SATs now, I don't think my mom can talk about anything else, it's HORRIBLE. Like, I have to work my ass off to learn the "collegeboard way of doing things", when it's just a mediocre judgment of mediocre skills. And then the colleges value prospective students that way. Imagine that, "you haven't gotten above 2300 on your SATs, therefore, you're not good enough for us". Granted, I know that most colleges won't say that, they'll be like, "We regret to inform you that your talents are not suited for our university" blahblah, and what with the non-SAT accepting colleges, but godddd. They're just so frustrating, and I can't get the Queer as Folk DVDs until I've finished them. And it sucks 'cause I'm pretty sure that my mom will suddenly be like, "Oh but your Anthropology IB exam is at the end of May, wait until then!" and then "Oh but your finals are in June, wait until then!" and then "WHOOPS WE'RE GOING TO CHINA SRRY".

SO I'M DEBATING. Whether or not I should wait it out for the DVDs, or I should just watch them with crappy resolution and long waiting times and the such on the computer. I'm just scared that I won't care as much in May or June or whatever, and I'll end up being like, "mmmf I actually don't want the DVDs now". And that's just not right.

In other news, the "contemplative" kitty mood thing freaks me out.

YEAH SO TWO THINGS.

A) Omg Make Me a Supermodel's on today, and it's going to be amazing 'cause they're in these tanks of water having to pose with snakes at like, fucking freezing temperatures. I find that really cool, 'cause they're experiencing the exact same weather as I have, so I can properly empathize in their all-bundled-upness and hiss in sympathy when they have to get out of a tank full of water and run back to the trailer with only a towel on in weather that made my hair freeze up. NO JOKE. So I'm excited, 'cause Ronnie's not leaving, and it seems like a very cool photoshoot, and I don't have a chem test tomorrow! But that comes later. And I'm preetty sure that Ben's going to be on the B3, 'cause the stupid photographer doesn't understand how hard it is to open your eyes under water, especially warm water, and also have a snake swimming around your face. Like really. And he seems like such an ass too, like that fake-ass photographer on ANTM Season 4, with the tennis photoshoots and stuff. Ahhh ANTM.

YEAH SO LIKE. I'm preetty sure that I'm loving both Make Me a Supermodel and Queer as Folk, the likes of which were unprecedented in my whole timespan of being. I mean. TWO FANDOMS? But I think I can do it. I mean, I forget who said this, but some very wise person told me, when I was mourning the possible loss of MMAS as a fandom, "You can love Queer as Folk during the rest of the week, but come Thursday, your entire life will be about Ben and Ronnie and all the hotties on Make Me a Supermodel, so stop your bitching." Or something that effect. SO I CAN DO IT. AND I'M EXCITED. AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO FINISHING THE LAST EPISODE OF SEASON 1 OF QAF, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME.

And yeah, I'm only keeping this Ronnie icon in support of my baby, but dude, once he's NOT IN THE B3 AGAIN (knockonwood), I'm getting Gale Harold. Oh god, Brian Kinney, Gale Harold, SEX ON LEGS.

B) So I have that Chem test. Well, used to have that Chem test, but my teacher was like, "oh haaaay, since I didn't teach you stuff you needed to learn for this test, I'm going to give you the test as a packet for homework, and I'll just have to have your honor that you won't compare answers!!!!!". So naturally, I was fucking ecstatic, 'cause I hate taking tests. Especially in Chem. Especially in freaking ENERGETICS.

ANYHOW. So I know that the kids in my class are definitely going to cheat on this test; he already knows that we're going to use our notes and the stuff, but I know that they're going to end up being like OH WHAT'D YOU GET HOW'D YOU GET IT LET ME COPY YOUR ANSWERS. And I know it'll probably be good for the long run, with gpas and college and that shit. But I can't bring myself to do it--yeah, I'm like mentally defunct in that I can never bring myself to cheat. I always figure that it really doesn't matter, and that as long as I know the material it's okay, and I can only do better on the test and bring my gpa up, but I just CAN'T. It's like, I want to reach for the notes in my bag during some math test to get the formulas, but I can't bring myself to move my hand. I dunno. I'm weird.

So basically I was thinking about just throwing that whole moral shit away and being like. YO. ANSWERS PLEASE. But now that I've typed all this up, I can't believe that I was actually going to ask for opinions on this; of course I can't cheat, even if it means that I'll bring my whole average down. Still, a little voice in the back of my mind keeps going, "no one will know, and everyone will be happy, just do it". Am I completely amoral, or does that actually make some sense? Ughgughghg. I need some good, senseless eyecandy to bring me off of this.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET THE 22ND EPISODE OF THE FIRST SEASON. It's driving me crazy, I've watched up to there, but the stupid site just DOESN'T HAVE IT. I'm going to pull all my hair out, I NEED TO HAVE THAT EPISODE.

I've heard that it's the pivotal moment. Sort of. Not that I've been reading up on it or anything. ...OKAY so I've reduced myself to reading a fucking transcript of the episode. AND I STOPPED RIGHT BEFORE THE REALLY BAD SCENE.

So this is killing me. It's literally taking the spool that is my lifespan, and shredding it, piece by piece. And it's not funny, at allll. I'm thiis close to downloading these torrent things, but I've got no idea how that works, and I'm probably going to ruin my computer with viruses and the such. BASICALLY I NEED TO HAVE THAT LAST EPISODE.

I already know what happens, the spoilerwhore that I am, but godddd. TO SEE IT PLAY OUT. TO SEE HIS FACE. BrianBrianBrian. I'm going to shoot myself.

And I haven't said that this is for Queer as Folk yet, have I. Soumthere, it is. And I know you all want to help me find the amazing episode that has websites dedicated to it, no? :]

Edit: Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I absolutely adore this video, and I thought I'd share. Plus, the song reminds me of QaF and Brian now, and I can't get it out of my head, ahaha.

Edit 2: I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT. AFTER HOURS OF LISTLESSLY SEARCHING STORMBERRY AND VARIOUS OTHER VIDEO SITES, I FOUND THAT LAST EPISODE ON GOOGLE. I DON'T THINK THERE ARE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY ABSOLUTE GLEE RIGHT NOW. But this is sort of cool, 'cause I read the transcript before I found this (BUT NOT THE SPECIAL PART, I SWEAR), and I know some of the lines, ahaha. I'm a dork, I know 8D

I'm such a posting whore, I know, and I'm sorry :[

BUT.

I just find out that I have a paid account. How I got one, I have no idea. No wait, I do have an idea. No one knows that I have an LJ besides the friends that I've made through it, so I figure, you guys would know.

SO UM TELL ME, PLEASE.

So I can properly lavish praise and thanks and squeal because I can have more icons~!!! And quite frankly, it's amazing that anyone would do that, especially since I've only been on LJ for two weeks and have barely any time to know any of you. And the reason that this isn't all completely capslocked and exuding squeals and excitement and absolute WHY DID YOU DO IT is 'cause I'm completely knackered.

Yeah you can tell by the use of that word.  And I really can't give/do anything in return, which completely kills me. So all I can say is thank you, and that you're remarkable, and marvelous, and all the synonyms of awesome that I can't think of.

AND STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON ME, as James says, it's NOT ON.

Edit: Mkay, so I'm an idiot and didn't check my email. known_anonymity, stop being so ridiculously awesome. But thank you sosomuch, and I'm totally going to use all those 96 I have left for QaF; well no, namely BRIAN KINNEY. And probably some of Justin too, 'cause he's pretty amazing. AND HE LOVES BRIAN. Oh Brian Brian Brian, I can't stop thinking about him.

BUT YES THANK YOU <3 I'm exciteeeed, I get icon hotness now~

Edit 2: So now that I have this, I've got no idea what to do with it. I wish I could have some sort of really cute layout, but I've got no idea how to do anything but the normal layout that you can just click and it works. Anyone would like to help me? :]

I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE FOUR DAY WEEKENDS.

I'LL SPEND IT ALL TRYING TO WORK ON ANTHRO BUT END UP WATCHING QUEER AS FOLK. ALL KINDS OF NOT COOL.

Actually no, I'm such a big fat liar it's fantastic.

OK SO UM RANT COMING UP.


SO YEAH.

Anyone who wants to relieve me of all this pressure that I have building up about Brian and QaF in general, IM ME PLEASE.

AIM: azureangelaura (yeah ok I was 10 when I made it)

MSN: simplexclean23@hotmail.com

Edit: If you haven't noticed, I tend to capslock and enter a lot when I'm excited. Haha, sorry :]

I'm going to look at learning Chinese with a whole new view now. This sina.com thinger has shitloads of QaF videos, and aslkgh I'm going to pee myself. I mean, I don't look at it as cheating on MMAS exactly, but more like something to ride me over until the next Thursday, when Bravo can rip my heart out again. So it's not cheating. It's just a temporary subsitute. Riighht? And plus the two are different, so it shouldn't be a problem?

YEAH WHATEVER IT'S AMAZING.

I've just seen the first episode and the second one's loading, but jesus. It's got so much sex in it, it's like the gay version of the Tudors (which, btw, needs to start its new season NOW). But hey, I'm not complaining; I get to fastfoward the icky squishy scenes and just stare contentedly at guys making out.

AND HOW AWESOME ARE THEY FOR PUTTING SANDSTORM ON WHEN BRIAN AND JUSTIN FIRST MEET? Preeetty damn, I should say. Very dramatic too, with all the smoke and the lights and the staring. Ugh I'm so excited about this it's disgusting. And Brian Kinney is ridiculously hot it shouldn't be legal.

Alright. One day, I'm going to spazattack on Make Me a Supermodel so bad that it'll even the two out. Plus, I'm thinking I love Ben and Ronnie so much more than Brian and Justin (fornowpleaseuntiltheendoftheseason) so it's all good.