if they could love like you and me

my butt's going to be so sore. you wanted to know that.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:37:14 GMT

KAYS. So going to be going on a 13+ hour plane ride tomorrow. My excitement is contagious, isn't it.

...yeah okay.

And I'm probably not going to have internet connection for the majority of the two months, considering that I'm probably going to be doing Olympic-related stuff (boring, footpeople work. No, I don't get to see the athletes. No, I don't get to go to games for free. Hopefully the experience will make up for the complete lack of excitement) the entire time. But I will fight with my cousin for his computer, so I may get on here once in a while.

Extended essay update (oh I could drown in the joys of IB):
0/4000 words written
a biiit of bibliography work done
doodled in the margins of printouts in highlighter

updaate

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:31:20 GMT

So I was a retard and deleted my entry. But thankfully, I had it saved on my computer. Wheee.

So I haven't posted in a while. Eh. BUSY STUFF GOING DOWN. I was in Maine for a week, which was great 'cause I got to see Bates and visit relatives, ya-da ya-da, and realized that Bates would actually be a great school for me. So even if I don't get into the school(s) that I've prioritized, I still have a really good option later. Provided that I get into that option. Mmf. Well yes, nice little vacation, played video games all day, not something I'm used to, but it was fun anyway. Had my phone off, so I missed a flurry of movement from my friends as they went on their various vacations, which sucks 'cause I didn't get to hang out with them, and so I'm never leaving my phone off for long periods of time EVER AGAIN. And also, I'm going to Dartmouth this Saturday, going to be in the car for like 10 hours or so, KILL ME? And what if it's not all it's cracked up to be? WHERE WILL MY DREAM SCHOOL BE, THEN. And then on Sunday, I'm going to that Gay Pride Parade thing! Wooos. Never been to one before, and I figure if I get bored I can always go to see Wanted or Wall-e with my friend who I'm dragging along. WILL TAKE PICS. Yay. And so after a hectic weekend, I'll be on a 13+ hour flight to China! I'm excited already. See. Excitement. And I'll be in Beijing for a few days, then going to Shanghai to visit my doggies 'n kitties 'n whatnots (my dad has a house there, it's complicated), and then I'm having a friend over from Korea, and then I'm rushing back to Beijing to do... other things that I'm still not quite clear about.

IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSY SUMMER.

So. WHAT. What is this, Sharapova AND Djokovic out in the second round? And if what I've heard is right, in STRAIGHT SETS? I mean come on. Like, Maria was always erratic, winning Wimbledon at 17 then waiting until this year to get the Australian Open, but then losing so early in Roland Garros and Wimbledon, like what. BUT NOVAK DJOKOVIC. And to Safin too, the unseeded BROTHER OF DINARA SAFINA WHO TOOK BOTH HENIN AND SHARAPOVA DOWN IN THE FRENCH OPEN. Jeeez.

But I'll be watching as raptly as I can through sporadic internet surfings, 'cause I don't think China's going to show it. Or maybe they will. Hopefully :x I really want Federer to win though. I mean, I love Rafa like no other, and I want him to eventually be the best, but I just like the whole status quo staying the same. Errghgh.

EDIT: Holy crap Ivanovic. WHAT'S WITH THIS YEAR'S WIMBLEDON. Although I'm happy for China (whee go China), WHAT IS THIS. I will cry tears of blood if Federer doesn't win. Although now everyone's saying that it's Rafa's time, so technically Federer's the... underdog? And the favorites haven't been having a good run. So maybe that's a good sign for him? Arrghghgh.

EDIT 2: So I'm watching ESPN2 and turns out, both Roddick and Blake are out, and Davydenko (ew) got out first round or something. REALLY, WHAT'S WRONG HERE.

AND FALLING BACK TO THE 'OTHER' ME.

Holy crap I adore Terrorist. I mean I still love Romantica and that other one I keep forgetting the name. Will look it up right now. Hoyes, Egoist. I love them and everything, but MIIYAGI IS JUST KIND OF TOO AMAZING NOT TO LOVE. And Shinobu's a brat, which makes it all the more real. And Miyagi's going to TRY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM HOW CUTE IS THAT. I said I was going to be weaned off anime, but this is just pure boylove GOLD.

AND HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO ED WESTWICK. And we're only five years apart, so I WILL WAIT FOR HIM. Or uh, the other way around. Oh ilubb <3

JUST LOOK AT HIM.

AND AGAIN.

Guhhh.

top chef, here i come

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:04:16 GMT

SO I MADE BREAKFAST FOR MYSELF TODAY. Yeah uh-huh amazing. It was a cross between scrambled eggs and a tomato omelette, but IT WAS EDIBLE. And was actually pretty good, if I say so myself.

Next up, FOIS GRAS AVEC LES TRUFFLES.

Yeah okay.

And in other news, I love Brian Kinney again, like whooooa. I never stopped loving him, but there was a definite break somewhere between march?Ithink and now.

BUT HE'S AMAZING AGAIN. And he's fantastic and he loves Justin and his voice is going to haunt my dreaaams <3 I was debating between watching the first season over again, but I'm way too impatient and would probably skip everything anyway. SO SECOND SEASON YAY.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 18:25:14 GMT

FINALS ARE OVER.

NYSSMA IS OVER.

SCHOOL IS OVER.

No wait, no, I've still got Extended Essay and college visiting and finishing up to do. But ye gods it's SUMMER VACATION.

And what better to top it all off with RAFA WINNING THE ARTOIS CHAMPIONSHIPS. God he so deserved this, I love me some Novak, but Rafa's just that much more amazing <3

Yeah, not flattering, but he's still amazing.

And now, flashback to last year's Artois Championships:

WHAT, DOES HE PRACTICE HIS EXPRESSIONS IN THE MIRROR OR SOMETHING.

tennis, anyone?

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:43:34 GMT

SO FRENCH OPEN '08, BEST EVER.

not that I've been much of a religious tennis fan before now, but ehh. Maria Sharapova is actually like, my girlcrush. And I never get those, never ever ever ever everrr. But she's gorgeous. And she plays really well, no matter what those stupidass critics have to say, even if she does sound like a man when she's on court. AND UM WTF@SAFINA? I mean I was sort of rooting for her in the beginning, but I wanted Maria to winnnnn. And now like, she's lost her number 1 spot to Ivanovic/Jankovic, which is depressing, because she would've made a great #1. I dunno, balance out the Federer looks.

It would be great if Safina won the French Open, sort of like Jennifer Hudson's cinderella story at the Oscars. But I don't want to see... I think it's Ivanovic? get beaten, 'cause then she'll probably lose that spot too. I dunno. Tennis is confusing.

BUT OH MY GOD NOVAK DJOKOVIC. Ahh those Serbs, I love them. Now I don't even know if I want Nadal to win... no yes I take that back, RAFA FOR FRENCH OPEN 'O8. I mean come on, HE NEEDS TO MAKE HISTORY. Clay's his only good court, he needs to whoop Federer's ass and win on the only court that he can beat him on. Djokovic can have Australia, but don't steal Rafa's glory D:

He's hilarious, though. Ahhaha and his site, IRRISTABLE CHARM. And playing tennis in a tux? Umokay, I thought that was just Federer's style?

I love him. Just. Please lose in the semis. heartsies <3

ye gods.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:19:04 GMT

I know I'm super-late with this, but there was the whole school thing.

UM WHAT SASUKE WTFKTHX.

I mean you've shown the most emotion in one panel than you have in the entire freaking Shippuden series, and it's to uh what. Crush Konoha. BE MORE ORIGINAL PLEASE. I get the whole ohnoItachimustrevenge thing, but come on, you're just piling obstacle over obstacle over the whole goal of TEAM SEVEN REUNITING. Not cool at all.

And his eyes are so pretty D:

Now he's probably going to end up fighting Naruto in this big fiftysevenchapter battle wherein flashbacks will be made and words will be exchanged and subtle sexual frustration will be expressed. And there will be no such thing as a Team 7.

NOT HAPPY.

And the flashback!Itachi was so sad. And now that you see it in a different light, even sadder. alskhg.

MKAY BACK TO CALCULUS WORK.

SATs.

Thu, 22 May 2008 20:16:43 GMT

2360, BABY.

So I felt that I needed to share. alskhgh. ThankGOD, I would've had to kill myself if I had to take that stupid test over again. But naturally, my ecstatic state was clouded over by the fact that within ten minutes of me finding out my score, everyone in my grade knew it as well. It was just like. Umwow? People started coming up to me and alternately congratulating me and giving me the evil eye, it was weird. I know that I should be insanely grateful for actually getting that score, but it slightly scares me that so many people are comparing themselves to me now, and trying to beat me. Especially my own friends, 'cause they're the most competitive in the grade, and I can already tell that there will be some iciness that I'm going to to have to ignore. And the only reason I wasn't mauled today was 'cause I had my Anthro exam, and could avoid classes and shiz.

BUT I'M SO HAPPY.

And I only have Paper 2 of my Anthro exam left!! Cue the excitement.

OMFG

Tue, 20 May 2008 01:42:02 GMT

Yeah like, wtf was up with that episode. Please stop be using crack while writing these.

No I take that back it wasn't that bad. It diiid have its good points. Sort of. Like the whole Serena-Dan minute blowup was okay. Not good, but it wasn't the boring snorefest as usual. It was okay. It was definitely something real, as opposed to the whole Serena's-life-becoming-perfect-again.

And Vanessa looked absolutely gorgeous in that dress, the color was just like BAM I BE PERFECT FOR YOU. I actually started liking Nate/Vanessa, but then they went and broke that up, 'cause she's still hung up on little angelboy. So I mean, perfect timing, thanks? Although I don't mind the two of them together; I mean, that's how they were supposed to be, in the books at least.

I'm happy though, that the show's deviated from the books this much. Before, poor Chuck was just a minor character, and I wouldn't have known the joys of gorgeous, gorgeous Ed Westwick <33

SPEAKING OF CHUCK.

Um um wtffff. You give us this gorgeous, heartrending speech of finally, finally finding love and perservering, and all that romantic stuff that gets the cutest love confession out of Chuckles dear, and the cute little dance scene, and then bam, stupid Bart Bass has to go and ruin it all with the WELL YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN ANYMORE, BUT GOOD FOR YOU!. Screw you old man, screw you.

My heart broke a little when he threw the flowers in the trash. But I guess, he's Chuck Bass. It was true to character, at least. Ugh.

BUT UM NATE AND CHUCK ARE BIFFLES AGAIN. HOW GREAT IS THAT. THAT'S KIND OF SUPERGREAT. I love them two, they just need to be best friends for ever and ever and ever. And like, have each others' backs, 'cause I'm thinking the whole Chuck cheating on Blair thing isn't going to go well with Serena/Blair/Nate.

Although Blair's guy was kinda cute. AND LIKE. I can't even hate the stupid guy, 'cause he's so pretty. Although Ed Westwick beats him by fiftybillion lightyears, he's still so pretty.

Ehh, whatever. I just can't wait for the summer season, it's going to be deliciouuuus.

homg itachi

Thu, 08 May 2008 00:30:11 GMT

So um holy shit? I kind of thought this would happen; I mean like, such a popular character as Itachi is, they wouldn't leave his story to be some mundane, "Oh well I decided to kill my clan", nooo, they have to have it full of INTRIGUE and POLITICS and BETRAYAL and all that glitter'd shiz. I'm pretty sure a lot of people have called this, mostly joking, "Oh so watch Itachi suddenly be the savior of Konoha 'cause the Uchiha's are going to try to rebel against the Hokage and rule the world".

WTFPLS?

I mean I know he wants to twist the thing around, but you don't have to go and do such a predictable thing like that? BE LIKE SERENA, PLSKTHX. Do something unexpected, but equally drastic, not some cliche'd VILLAIN BECOME SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.

I adore him though. Itachi. I'm actually really happy that he's 'good', more or less, but a little wee bit apprehensive on what impact this is going to have on Sasuke. The poor boy's going to have his entire fucking life flipped out from under him with what his life being revolved around killing his now-sanctified-brother. IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT HE'S FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED HIS GOAL AND NOW HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS LIFE, NOW HE HAS TO REGRET THE KILLING OF HIS BROTHER AND (will probooobably) REVENGE HIS BROTHER AGAINST KONOHA. Or the Uchiha clan. Ahh, watch a little sect of them living outside Konoha, just waiting for their leafy brothers to be all, "Yo, grabbed Konoha, we can take over the world now".

No I take that back, it would be mostly uncool.

So now Sasuke's never going to go back to that stupid village because he's going to be all avenger again, and going to become even stronger and try to overthrow the Hokage. Ah dammnit, he and Naruto are probably going to fight it out in the end, aren't they. I hate that, the Valley of the End stuff broke my heart, I don't want those two going at it again. Well at least, not in that way. THEY CAN GO AT IT AS MANY TIMES AS THEY WANT IN THE PROPER, FANDOM WAY <33

political... stuff?

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:15:55 GMT

Yeah so I'm Chinese. Born in the US, I consider NYC my hometown. But I mean, I go to China every year to visit my grandparents, and basically my entire family lives in China, and my generation's the only one that was born outside of the country. I can speak both English and Chinese, the latter being worse than the former, but I can understand basically what everyone says.

I'm completely American, and I hate how I can't relate to the kids my age in China. I mean, of course the two cultures are different, but I always sort of thought that Chinese kids were all studious and completely disassociated myself with anything a Chinese teenager might be. Like, I used to have this group of friends in China, some kids I played with when I was a baby, and I met a few of them a year or two ago, and it was like. I dunno. Whenever I go there I feel like I've gone to an entire other world, a world that's part of me but not. China's always been a vacation spot, a kind of step back from reality for me, where I can relax among family and feel at home, and then I go back to New York and it's back to my normal life, where I hang out with my friends and freak out about college like any other American teenager. I always have this image of China being very slow in modernizing compared to the Western countries, and though I get this burst of pride whenever I go to Shanghai and see a city that can compete with NYC, it's always got that extra burden in my mind.

I don't want to be like that, though. I mean, a friend of mine has recently started sending me Chinese songs and I've been really getting into them, wanting to immerse myself in that part of me. I mean, I've always been proud, in a way? of China's development and the such, but I've never actually gone into it myself. I've always thought that the customs there were strange; I mean, they wouldn't be called customs, but rather the way they act. I'm talking about the teenagers, 'course. Like, the way that they wear freaking Mickey Mouse on their shirts when they're obviously in their mid-teens, and the sheer prude-ness that they approach the other sex with. I MEAN, GUYS DON'T HAVE COOTIES ANYMORE?

I actually have no idea what I'm writing about, but I think I'm getting at something? I want to be able to identify with both cultures. I sort-of-do, 'cause I have spent a good portion of my life in China, about 2 months every year, and I can understand where most of the customs come from, and conform to a good deal of them myself. I just sort of distance myself from the ones that I believe to be childish, or just plain weird, and prefer to embrace the American side of it. I guess then, I have a really good deal, and can pick and choose whichever parts of both cultures that I want to incorporate in myself. Wait no, I was going somewhere with that.

Oh yeah.

MY MOTHER. IS SO FUCKING PATRIOTIC, IT'S INSANE. I get interested in politics from time to time, and whenever I ask her about it, all innocent-like and not knowing jack shit about the actual politics, fresh with the knowledge of the horrible things communism has done or prompted or whatever, and she gets so heated up and all CHINA-IS-THE-BEST-KTHX and it just irritates me so much I can't talk to her after. I know it's probably 'cause of the anti-communist/anti-China stuff in the media lately, but it's just so fucking annoying I can't stand it. So anyhow, I've been wanting to learn about Chinese history, 'cause I'm in absolute love with history and we don't learn Chinese history in class. Soo, since my school has the IB program, diploma candidates have to write an Extended Essay in our topic of choice, 4k words plus all the knick-knacks that come with a formal essay. I chose History, and was thinking how interesting it would be to do it on a part of China's history. I figure, I could get tons of primary sources when I go back to China in two months, and I'd get a good grade and learn about the history of my blood, more or less. So I go home and talk to my mom about it, putting out topics ranging from the Qing dynasty to the effects of communism in present-day China.

AND THEN SHE GOES AND BLABBERS ON ABOUT HOW UNFAIR THE US AND EUROPE ARE BEING TO CHINA, IN REGARDS TO TIBET. And then gives a heartrending story about some girl who stood up to her teacher who was all Free Tibet and converted some students. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. I never get into political discussions at my school 'cause it's all too controversial, and since we're the United Nations school there are like fifty billion views on everything. Plus, I've got the views that I've gathered from school in one ear, and the patriotism that my mom's screaming at my in another ear, so I never really have a proper opinion on anything. I guess I should have an opinion, but it's just too hard for me to choose. I mean, as I've said before, I'm immersed in America and a lot of its views and such, but my entire family (or at least, mother's side) is so pro-China and those two things often conflict it's like wtf am I supposed to do, take sides? I mean, naturally I get defensive if some person's being like, "Oh yeah dude, China's motherfuckingretarded and dictator-like", but the whole thing with Tibet and Taiwan? Whatever, man. Every time I dip my toes into a conversation that has anything to do with that, the other side always gets heated up and all OMGCOMMUNIST it's just not fucking worth it. Come back when you grow a brain and are ready to have a mature conversation.

I'M JUST SO SICK OF IT. I try to be a part of my fucking culture, try to actually learn something, and she goes on a tirade about CHINA VS REST OF THE WORLD. You know what. I don't give a flying fuck anymore, globalization needs to hurry the fuck up and end all this culture shit.

MMKAY SO I'M JUST WRITING THIS TO RELIEVE SOME PENT-UP BITCHING. And it's completely uncensored, so if you're a bigoted fucktard who thinks that I'm some communist who should be tried and executed McCarthy-style, then please fuck off :] You obviously don't know how to read. I'm not expecting some sudden influx of complicated political/social discussion either, it's just a venting process. But if you've read this all, then I do indeedy love you <3

...owait. Could this whole identity thing be a good college essay, or is it too cliché?

i break promises to myself

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:01:59 GMT

I wanted to completely swear off anything LJ or internet related until my SATs in May, then my Anthro IB exam also in May, and my finals in June, 'cause I need to ace all of them in order to get into Dartmouth/Williams/whatever college I want to go to. But I got back into this old fandom of mine that's so addictive, and I've been reading fanfictions whenever I'm not with my friends, and generally wasting the entire Spring Break. Yarghgh, why don't my plans go as planned??

And it sucks, 'cause I don't talk to most of my internet friends anymore now that we have different interests; I mean, I guess it's good in the way that I know which friends I actually connect with, but still. It's depressing not to be bombarded with different IMs talking about the latest development in the world, or whatever it is that we used to talk about. What sucks even more is that I don't particularly mind. It's like I've grown up and past that phase, and they're still in it, even though all of them are older than me, and it's just like. Like I feel that they're keeping me back from growing. I dunno. I'm all confused and crap. I want to be able to type out a hugeass rant about my life, and have it sorted and out of my system, but the words just aren't flowing.

Ah yeah, words. I so envy the people who can write out huge stories with complex and convoluted plots without having to work at it, having it just flow, channeling the characters and the entire situation to make their readers believe it so much that the fandom that the story is based off of is less interesting? That didn't make sense right there. BUT STILL. I look at my fanfiction account, and it's like, hrm I have become a better writer, but I can't manage to get that natural feel that the other authors get. Not that I'm complaining, 'cause if I could do that I would have to work at it and feel compelled to write, and with my procrastination schedule I wouldn't be able to fit that in, but still. It would be nice, to be creative and flow-y and all that stuff.

aiiight, so superlate.

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:14:18 GMT

Okay, so nearly a week and a half without internet-people contact. That must be a record for me.

So I'm watching the two episodes of MMASM that I missed, and it's actually blowing my mind away. I figure I'll just write as I go with the episodes, so it'll be more like, pure unadulterated WHEEEE as I watch it rather than a WHEE muted by an immense boo. 'cause from the slight spoilers that I've been watching, I might have to go off and cry in a corner. And plus, I love re-reading my reactions after I've reacted, it's so much fun. This is mainly just for my benefit, just to organize my thoughts and stuff.

Ahaahah, the "moment before they go to their private place," I love this guy. And Casey's really making me so sad, I love him so much, why is he doing this to me. OH MY GOD BEN'S FACE WHEN THE DIRECTOR WAS LIKE, "You wanna try? Okay cool, you and Ronnie" IT WAS LIKE, UH COME AGAIN? I'm so excited, I'm like jumping, thank god I didn't watch this when it actually aired, I'd probably go off and pee in my pants or something. I feel like I'm cheating on them or something, but god Perry/Casey's insanely hot. No wtf why is Holly with Ben get away GO AWAY. Did the stupid director NOT SEE THE BLATANT SEXUAL CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM. Jesus Christ these people are stupid.

Yeah ok what is Casey wearing. That tweed coat-like thing with the overlapping buttons; I have something like that. In black. Whoooa.

Ben. Darling. Stop goddamn complaining about your stupid outfit, you should've lied through your adorable teeth and been like I FEEL LIKE SUPERMAN IN THIS OUTFIT.

Does anyone else feel bothered by Nikki's voice/attitude/way of holding herself? She sounds like my pothead friend most of the time. Seriously, someone needs to check if she's stoned or not.

Oh god it's so depressing, that everyone's improved so much and everyone's so good and MOST OF THEM HAVE TO LEAVE it's just so sad.

AHHH PERRY PERRY PERRY THAT SECOND OUTFIT. BRIAN KINNEY?? PLEASE, SOMEONE HAS TO HAVE THOUGHT "BRIAN KINNEY" WHEN HE WALKED DOWN. That scarf. Ohhh, that scarf.

Yeah Ben, stop. Stopstopstopiit. You need to realize that with modeling comes every other possible thing, and--yeah I have no right to lecture. Gossh cursing on the runway, uh-oh. But he's just probably really frustrated, and lets it out the wrong way or something, it's not like he's Dom or anything.

What's up with Perry's girlfriend, please stop leaving him hanging it's really bothering me you've just got to stop hanging up on him. slkgh I love all of them so much, why do they all have to leave somedaaaaay.

If any of them leave, I'm going to be so sad. Good thing I didn't get to vote last time, I would've gone crazy trying to figure out who to vote for. And now I won't have to deal with the intense anticipation, arlkuugghg.

ONTO EPISODE 10 DUMDADUUM.

Omg Casey. No, no, Perry is going to be heartbroken I'm heartbroken, why is this happening. And what sucks is that I don't even have the whole pent-up energy to be happy that Ben and Ronnie are staying. Arryryrhghg what's wrong with me.

What wtf Ronnie being mean? He's such a sweetheart, I don't think he has the capacity of being mean. Wait no wtf voodoo doll? STOP BEING CUTTHROAT I'M NOT USED TO YOU BEING CUTTHROAT. Wait no joke haha I get it now.

OKAY SO why in the world would Tyson show Perry that whole Amanda thing and freak him out like that. That's just not cool. It's gonna completely throw him off his game and he'll end up all off-game'd and not good and yyrrhghg. And it's so sad, that he doesn't have his boys to talk to, he's just with Ben and Ronnie now. But I mean, it's nice to see that they don't hate each other?

AHAHH SCRITCH SCRATCH IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA. Ahahahah Perry <3

Dude they're in goth getups with insane amounts of black makeup on, how can Perry not look intense. Like, shut up. Dennis. Ahh, little curious crow/raventhing that likes to pick at people's eyeballs. HOLLY'S HAIR IS INSANE. I love it, I actually really love it. And for Ronnie; can you comment on something that he can actually improve on, rather than OH HE'S TOO PRETTY. Whooa, bitchyness going on in the sidelines.

Awww, Holly, she's so cute, and just such a sweetie, I almost feel bad for wishing for her to leave.

PERRY. You make my heart break, I'LL BE YOUR ROOMIE.

Who's this bald guy that hates everyone? I don't really get that catwalk performance thingwhatever, but howow it was hot. WOO JENNIFER BEATING DOWN ON THE BALDIE. ...okay so Holly gets 'animated' and Perry gets 'overacting'. Wtfkthx. Not cool at all.

WOO GO RONNIE. Diplomatic answer to a nasty accusation. You're not a bitch, you're nooot.

And the bottom 2 this time. Well at least this time I know who exactly I'm going to vote for?

Yeah, there was something else I wanted to write about... oh yeah. I want to go college touring soon, but I'm just so scared to see what my college counselor is going to say to me about my college choices. I mean like, what if she takes one look at my transcript and goes, "uh Dartmouth? Haha, you're kidding, right?" I'll probably go and sob in a corner afterwards. And I can't even imagine if she does say that Dartmouth is one of my stretch schools, and I go and apply early and I've just got so much pent-up hope that if I end up getting rejected I'll be so horribly depressed.

It's mostly that I've got such a huge ego, 'cause my school doesn't have the smartest people out there, and people have filled my head with visions of the IB being really hard and it being a really good collegeapp thing, but still. I've gone and gotten my hopes up about these Ivies, and I might end up being rejected from every single one of them and dumped on some other halfrate college that I'll spend four miserable years at? Ughgghhg, and all this schoolwork is just so stressful, I feel like shooting all those freshmen who are like, "oh well we have two papers due this week" it's just like "YEAH OK YOU WANNA DEAL WITH MY WORKLOAD? YEAH I THOUGHT SO."

And it's making me a bitch, would you lookatthat. Nyergh, I need to go chip at that workload now, MMAS wasn't the best de-stresser.

firsttime meme fun!

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 05:27:28 GMT

So I've got this debate on Tuesday, and I always have such good luck when it comes to debate partners, I get the ONE person in the class who doesn't do squat and of course, I have to do everything. Again. Which, given my luck isn't surprising, but I figured I would get a break after that fiasco on the science project. I've currently got papers strewn all over my desk and floor and actually have some that I'm sitting on which are very uncomfortable, but I can't keep track of them otherwise. And this thing is so completely insensitive of my history teacher, seeing as the UNIS-UN conference is going to be in this week, and since I'm on the executive committee of the stupid thing, I'm going to go to about two classes the entire three days before the conference. And wont' have time to do work because the stupid people coming from Dubai didn't give in their forms until the last fucking minute and still want hosting, and I need to arrange that. They should be fucking grateful for us busting our asses trying to get them host families, begging and pulling in favors, and they still complain and bitch about the conference and compare it to MUN and it's just like. Shut up and go away.

I'M NOT BITTER, REALLY.

Yeah and there was something else I wanted to talk about, but I forgot and I should really be working on my debate. WHEE STALINGRAD. I normally love history, and lovelovelove the wars, especially WWII, but ugh. I can never do debates/papers on them, because I end up going in way deep and start reading about personal accounts and then I get all weepy 'cause it's really sad how one of them has to lose and they know about the impending loss and it's just alskhg.

Okay so I'm going to procrastinate even further and go with this meme thing :]

I was tagged by aoineko ! :]

People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.

1. You have 50 dollars in your pocket what do you do with it?
Get those new boots that I've been wanting.

2. What is your most guilty pleasure?
Probably all these reality shows. More specifically Tila Tequila's Shot at Love

3. Have you ever seen someone die?
Nope, and I hope to keep it that way.

4. What do you want to happen most in your future?
Get into a good college. Preferably Dartmouth, but any other good ones are good.

5. Where do you see yourself in five years?
In college. Preferably with a good internship or something.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
I... don't know, I've never loved anyone, and I don't think anyone's ever loved me. Probably loving someone, 'cause then you can experience the fluttering and stuff.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Heeeell no.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Stop liking him.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Probably the score to my most recent math quiz, but that just seems so trivial :[

10. What do you want most in life?
I can't say, part of me says it's too early, part of me says I want too many things to pick one.

11. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins do you think you relate to the most & why?
Right now? Probably gluttony, I'm starving and could reaally use a milkshake or ten.

12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
Fuck that, I wouldn't have a best friend like that.

13. What was your favorite band from the 1990s group-band era?
OMGSPICEGIRLS.

14. Do you think that making up questions for yourself to answer is hard?
Yeeees.

15. Do you believe there is nothing higher than human kind?
No, at least I hope not?

16. Which fictional character could you most see yourself marrying?
Who would marry me, or who I'd throw myself at? For the latter, off the top of my head, I would say either Brian Kinney, Edward Cullen or Sirius Black. And the former, I can't think of any.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
I'd like to think I do.

18. Do you have a motto? If yes which one?
Ahahah mottos. I love people who have them, it's great to make fun of, but I don't have one myself, sadly.

19. What type of friends do you like?
Ones that understand me, and still love me for being me. I've got an entire thing written out in my head, but I've forgotten most of it.

20. Do you have an all time favorite song?
My favorite songs change all the time :]

I tag: project_lyse, indiemoistic, your_nonentity, known_anonymity, bugchicklv, porcelina_june, skating_fan, andum, I think those are all the people that haven't been tagged, and that I know on LJ. Ahh I'm a loser with no friends :[

I was tagged by project_lyse
Comment and I'll give you a letter if you want to play; then you have to list ten things you love that begin with that letter. Afterward, post this in your journal and give out letters of your own.

I got G. Hrrm. I guess I could put 'good' in front of everything, but I'll try not to.

1. Guess
2. Gale Harold!!!
3. Geiko Gecko
4. Gay men (preferably making out, but I'm not picky)
5. Gloss for the lips
6. Glucose (the kind you can eat, right?)
7. (my) Grandparents
8. Grass that's wet
9. Green Tea
10. Gum

lawl, I had to find a dictionary and flip through the words, seeing if the words there triggered anything in my brain.

oh Ben. Ben Ben Ben.

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 05:11:56 GMT

WHY, WHY MUST ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END. MMAS is being very disappointing lately, with the constant B3ing of models with good entertainment value, and the lack of boylove... It's becoming very uninteresting; if it goes on, it'll just be like ANTM except without the fun that is Tyra and with hot guys. Which, is a major point on MMAS' side, but still. There's only so much eyecandy can go for.

So really, Ben. What the fuck was up with that, why are you being so... not the Ben we know and love? I'm really really really hoping that Ben is just a competitive person and only said those mean shitty things to Ronnie (&Casey, but not so much) 'cause he was full of the frustration at losing a competition &c&c and that it wasn't his actual personality. I mean, there is a huge chance that he was an asshole in the first place, but Ronnie had a crush on him and Bravo did some major editing to put him in a good view in order to get the whole Ben/Ronnie advertising point out, but that would take an insane amount of time to look for non-asshole-ey moments and they just don't have that, when they have to edit the film as they film the models doing whatever they're doing.

He had a lapse in judgment and fucked up. But then when I think about it, he really should know better, seeing as how him and Ronnie were fastBBFs and stuck around each other for however many weeks they've been there. Part of me thinks that what he said about, "Oh you can build huge penises in the snow 'cause you're gay" is inexcusable and so inappropriate and insensitive that he should be voted off by mere lack of sportsmanship alone; and even if we shouldn't base our votes on how we feel about contestants, his modeling isn't that amazing either.

BUT I MEAN. Especially in the bravosupermodel comm, everyone started jumping on Ben, tearing him apart about how he never was a good model, he didn't deserve to be there, he wasn't right for the competition, yadayadayada. I dunno, I just think that some people are suddenly picking at his faults because he went and shot his mouth off , rather than impartially judging him on his modeling ability. Of course, I only watch the show for entertainment value, and I openly admit that I'm voting based on whoever I like the best, not who I think is the better model. I'm also not saying that all the people in the comm are only saying that Ben's a bad model now because he was an asshole, because I know some disliked his look, and thought his ability and potential were at the lowest in the group, but that the fact that he was an asshole brought on a whole slew of previously unheard of complaints about him. It's like suddenly everyone's become a vulture and viciously tearing at him because of Ronnie.

Uslkgh what happened to the old days when all I had to do was stare at the t.v. screen and let my braincells die.

kaweeer as folk.

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:58:45 GMT

What the hell, why did they take off all the episodes of QaF from youtube. NOT COOL. So now I'll either have to wait for years for badquality videos load and accidentally close the windows to make all the waiting in vain, or I can wait for... now until May, when I take my SATs.

My entire life is about the SATs now, I don't think my mom can talk about anything else, it's HORRIBLE. Like, I have to work my ass off to learn the "collegeboard way of doing things", when it's just a mediocre judgment of mediocre skills. And then the colleges value prospective students that way. Imagine that, "you haven't gotten above 2300 on your SATs, therefore, you're not good enough for us". Granted, I know that most colleges won't say that, they'll be like, "We regret to inform you that your talents are not suited for our university" blahblah, and what with the non-SAT accepting colleges, but godddd. They're just so frustrating, and I can't get the Queer as Folk DVDs until I've finished them. And it sucks 'cause I'm pretty sure that my mom will suddenly be like, "Oh but your Anthropology IB exam is at the end of May, wait until then!" and then "Oh but your finals are in June, wait until then!" and then "WHOOPS WE'RE GOING TO CHINA SRRY".

SO I'M DEBATING. Whether or not I should wait it out for the DVDs, or I should just watch them with crappy resolution and long waiting times and the such on the computer. I'm just scared that I won't care as much in May or June or whatever, and I'll end up being like, "mmmf I actually don't want the DVDs now". And that's just not right.

In other news, the "contemplative" kitty mood thing freaks me out.

completely torn

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 00:34:49 GMT

YEAH SO TWO THINGS.

A) Omg Make Me a Supermodel's on today, and it's going to be amazing 'cause they're in these tanks of water having to pose with snakes at like, fucking freezing temperatures. I find that really cool, 'cause they're experiencing the exact same weather as I have, so I can properly empathize in their all-bundled-upness and hiss in sympathy when they have to get out of a tank full of water and run back to the trailer with only a towel on in weather that made my hair freeze up. NO JOKE. So I'm excited, 'cause Ronnie's not leaving, and it seems like a very cool photoshoot, and I don't have a chem test tomorrow! But that comes later. And I'm preetty sure that Ben's going to be on the B3, 'cause the stupid photographer doesn't understand how hard it is to open your eyes under water, especially warm water, and also have a snake swimming around your face. Like really. And he seems like such an ass too, like that fake-ass photographer on ANTM Season 4, with the tennis photoshoots and stuff. Ahhh ANTM.

YEAH SO LIKE. I'm preetty sure that I'm loving both Make Me a Supermodel and Queer as Folk, the likes of which were unprecedented in my whole timespan of being. I mean. TWO FANDOMS? But I think I can do it. I mean, I forget who said this, but some very wise person told me, when I was mourning the possible loss of MMAS as a fandom, "You can love Queer as Folk during the rest of the week, but come Thursday, your entire life will be about Ben and Ronnie and all the hotties on Make Me a Supermodel, so stop your bitching." Or something that effect. SO I CAN DO IT. AND I'M EXCITED. AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO FINISHING THE LAST EPISODE OF SEASON 1 OF QAF, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME.

And yeah, I'm only keeping this Ronnie icon in support of my baby, but dude, once he's NOT IN THE B3 AGAIN (knockonwood), I'm getting Gale Harold. Oh god, Brian Kinney, Gale Harold, SEX ON LEGS.

B) So I have that Chem test. Well, used to have that Chem test, but my teacher was like, "oh haaaay, since I didn't teach you stuff you needed to learn for this test, I'm going to give you the test as a packet for homework, and I'll just have to have your honor that you won't compare answers!!!!!". So naturally, I was fucking ecstatic, 'cause I hate taking tests. Especially in Chem. Especially in freaking ENERGETICS.

ANYHOW. So I know that the kids in my class are definitely going to cheat on this test; he already knows that we're going to use our notes and the stuff, but I know that they're going to end up being like OH WHAT'D YOU GET HOW'D YOU GET IT LET ME COPY YOUR ANSWERS. And I know it'll probably be good for the long run, with gpas and college and that shit. But I can't bring myself to do it--yeah, I'm like mentally defunct in that I can never bring myself to cheat. I always figure that it really doesn't matter, and that as long as I know the material it's okay, and I can only do better on the test and bring my gpa up, but I just CAN'T. It's like, I want to reach for the notes in my bag during some math test to get the formulas, but I can't bring myself to move my hand. I dunno. I'm weird.

So basically I was thinking about just throwing that whole moral shit away and being like. YO. ANSWERS PLEASE. But now that I've typed all this up, I can't believe that I was actually going to ask for opinions on this; of course I can't cheat, even if it means that I'll bring my whole average down. Still, a little voice in the back of my mind keeps going, "no one will know, and everyone will be happy, just do it". Am I completely amoral, or does that actually make some sense? Ughgughghg. I need some good, senseless eyecandy to bring me off of this.

where the fuck is it??

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:15:42 GMT

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET THE 22ND EPISODE OF THE FIRST SEASON. It's driving me crazy, I've watched up to there, but the stupid site just DOESN'T HAVE IT. I'm going to pull all my hair out, I NEED TO HAVE THAT EPISODE.

I've heard that it's the pivotal moment. Sort of. Not that I've been reading up on it or anything. ...OKAY so I've reduced myself to reading a fucking transcript of the episode. AND I STOPPED RIGHT BEFORE THE REALLY BAD SCENE.

So this is killing me. It's literally taking the spool that is my lifespan, and shredding it, piece by piece. And it's not funny, at allll. I'm thiis close to downloading these torrent things, but I've got no idea how that works, and I'm probably going to ruin my computer with viruses and the such. BASICALLY I NEED TO HAVE THAT LAST EPISODE.

I already know what happens, the spoilerwhore that I am, but godddd. TO SEE IT PLAY OUT. TO SEE HIS FACE. BrianBrianBrian. I'm going to shoot myself.

And I haven't said that this is for Queer as Folk yet, have I. Soumthere, it is. And I know you all want to help me find the amazing episode that has websites dedicated to it, no? :]

Edit: Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I absolutely adore this video, and I thought I'd share. Plus, the song reminds me of QaF and Brian now, and I can't get it out of my head, ahaha.

Edit 2: I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT. AFTER HOURS OF LISTLESSLY SEARCHING STORMBERRY AND VARIOUS OTHER VIDEO SITES, I FOUND THAT LAST EPISODE ON GOOGLE. I DON'T THINK THERE ARE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY ABSOLUTE GLEE RIGHT NOW. But this is sort of cool, 'cause I read the transcript before I found this (BUT NOT THE SPECIAL PART, I SWEAR), and I know some of the lines, ahaha. I'm a dork, I know 8D

uh whoa.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 05:36:02 GMT

I'm such a posting whore, I know, and I'm sorry :[

BUT.

I just find out that I have a paid account. How I got one, I have no idea. No wait, I do have an idea. No one knows that I have an LJ besides the friends that I've made through it, so I figure, you guys would know.

SO UM TELL ME, PLEASE.

So I can properly lavish praise and thanks and squeal because I can have more icons~!!! And quite frankly, it's amazing that anyone would do that, especially since I've only been on LJ for two weeks and have barely any time to know any of you. And the reason that this isn't all completely capslocked and exuding squeals and excitement and absolute WHY DID YOU DO IT is 'cause I'm completely knackered.

Yeah you can tell by the use of that word. And I really can't give/do anything in return, which completely kills me. So all I can say is thank you, and that you're remarkable, and marvelous, and all the synonyms of awesome that I can't think of.

AND STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON ME, as James says, it's NOT ON.

Edit: Mkay, so I'm an idiot and didn't check my email. known_anonymity, stop being so ridiculously awesome. But thank you sosomuch, and I'm totally going to use all those 96 I have left for QaF; well no, namely BRIAN KINNEY. And probably some of Justin too, 'cause he's pretty amazing. AND HE LOVES BRIAN. Oh Brian Brian Brian, I can't stop thinking about him.

BUT YES THANK YOU <3 I'm exciteeeed, I get icon hotness now~

Edit 2: So now that I have this, I've got no idea what to do with it. I wish I could have some sort of really cute layout, but I've got no idea how to do anything but the normal layout that you can just click and it works. Anyone would like to help me? :]

brianbrianbrianbrian kinney

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:18:13 GMT

I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO HAVE FOUR DAY WEEKENDS.

I'LL SPEND IT ALL TRYING TO WORK ON ANTHRO BUT END UP WATCHING QUEER AS FOLK. ALL KINDS OF NOT COOL.

Actually no, I'm such a big fat liar it's fantastic.

OK SO UM RANT COMING UP.

SO BRIAN KINNEY IS AMAZING. No question, no argument, he's amazing. I admit I didn't like him too much in the beginning; I mean, get a guy naked in the first episode? I ADMIT he's got a fantastic body and looks fucking amazing in a tank top and jeans, but he looked all lumpy and stuff when he stripped down in front of Justin. Although his voice was pretty damn sexy. "Are you coming, or going? Or coming, then going? Or coming... and staying?" JUST KILL ME NOW.

But he's just like. The epitome of sex and aphrodisiac-things. His hair is fantastic and his eyes are gorgeous and his mouth is gughgh and his entire being is ridiculously attractive. AND HIS VOICE. I've finally figured out what gets me, with a guy. He a) has to smell good, or else how the hell are you supposed to cuddle, and b) has to have a nice voice. What attracted me to Ben was that he's got such an adorably sexy southern accent. Oh Ben. Ben Ben Ben Ben. <3

ANYHOW.

It's just so amazing; in the beginning, he was such an asshole, but I figured it was just one of those character profiles; the protagonist, a hot, sexy, devil-may-care asshole, but inside he's actually all warm and mushy and does things for other people. And I'm RIGHT THANK YOU GOD. I'm up to the 12th episode now, thanks to a constant staring at the computer and pretending I was sick to blow off friends. AND WHAT HE DID FOR MICHAEL. Oh I love him, I love him, I love him. Also, you can figure it out at once, even if you're not all cynical about the commercial greed of producers like me; what he does for Justin, is like. I wouldn't exactly call it selfless, 'cause he was the one who turned the boy gay in the first place, but slkagh. SO many people just would have been like, "Piss off, you titchy kid" BUT HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T, AND HE'S AMAZING.

Also, Justin is such a gutsy kid, I can't imagine doing any of the things he did to go up to Brian, and the such. And since I'm a spoilerwhore I went and found out about the ending, so it's like. ALL HIS SHAMELESSNESS PAID OFF. But I'm so excited to see how it goes, and to see the drama that I've read about being portrayed on-screen. It's going to be so much fuuuuun!!!

Moving on to the other characters; I love Michael, he's like Brian's anchor, and he's so sweet and cute and adorable I want to pinch his cheeks. And he's such a good best friend, and he completely balances out everything that Brian does and I love him. Emmett too, he's completely fabulous and queenish and like every girl's best friend! Except his outfits. As fabulous as they may be, leopard print never does it for me :/ Ted, on the other hand, annoys me. A lot. I understand the whole, being old and not attractive problem, but come on pleaaaase stop with your voice and the eternal moping and arlgkh. I like him more now, but in the beginning I just kept forgetting about him, and when I remembered his name it was like. OH MOPEY BOY. I feel like I'm breaking some sacrosanct barrier to not like one of the 'gang' people, but he's just so borinnng. And though his little crush is sweet, it's also really creepy.

YEAH I'VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN WHAT I WAS MEANT TO SAY. But I think it was basically that Brian Kinney is fantastic and I love him and--yeah, I've run out of words, but you get the point :]

Oh yeah. AND I'M UP TO THE PART WITH TED AND BRIAN. And I fucking love how Brian's bored out of his mind, and his reaction when Ted gets some and arggghh he's just the best thing in the world.

I'm done now.

SO YEAH.

Anyone who wants to relieve me of all this pressure that I have building up about Brian and QaF in general, IM ME PLEASE.

AIM: azureangelaura (yeah ok I was 10 when I made it)

MSN: simplexclean23@hotmail.com

Edit: If you haven't noticed, I tend to capslock and enter a lot when I'm excited. Haha, sorry :]

so I'm officially lost

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:43:56 GMT

I'm going to look at learning Chinese with a whole new view now. This sina.com thinger has shitloads of QaF videos, and aslkgh I'm going to pee myself. I mean, I don't look at it as cheating on MMAS exactly, but more like something to ride me over until the next Thursday, when Bravo can rip my heart out again. So it's not cheating. It's just a temporary subsitute. Riighht? And plus the two are different, so it shouldn't be a problem?

YEAH WHATEVER IT'S AMAZING.

I've just seen the first episode and the second one's loading, but jesus. It's got so much sex in it, it's like the gay version of the Tudors (which, btw, needs to start its new season NOW). But hey, I'm not complaining; I get to fastfoward the icky squishy scenes and just stare contentedly at guys making out.

AND HOW AWESOME ARE THEY FOR PUTTING SANDSTORM ON WHEN BRIAN AND JUSTIN FIRST MEET? Preeetty damn, I should say. Very dramatic too, with all the smoke and the lights and the staring. Ugh I'm so excited about this it's disgusting. And Brian Kinney is ridiculously hot it shouldn't be legal.

Alright. One day, I'm going to spazattack on Make Me a Supermodel so bad that it'll even the two out. Plus, I'm thinking I love Ben and Ronnie so much more than Brian and Justin (fornowpleaseuntiltheendoftheseason) so it's all good.

hopelessly in love

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 04:20:42 GMT

This is not happening to meee.

So I like this show called Queer as Folk now. And I haven't even watched it yet. This is just so frustrating, I hate loving more than one thing at once. It's like, once I see something new I completely ditch the old thing and focus entirely on the new thing, which is bad because I still love the old thing but then I end up loving it less which really does suck 'cause I know I love the old thing.

THAT MAKES SENSE, SHH.

Basically, I need to stop loving Queer as Folk before I start, 'cause then my Ben and Ronnie time will severely decrease, and I know I don't want that. I just can't let that happen, they're just so sweet and I love them, and I have to keep watching MMAS 'cause it's fantastic and it's such a perfect fandom with Bravo being all greedy and whoring itself out to the fangirls and all.

OK. I AM NOT GOING TO MOVE ON JUST YET. NOT UNTIL THIS SEASON'S OVER.

Then again if they put Ronnie in the bottom 3 again, I'll probably go ahead and throw my T.V. out a window. One day, I need to write a huge rant about how I hate the MMAS producers and how they need to stop trying to manipulate the audience and how the MMAS judges are annoying unhelpful bitches w ho need to HELP models once in a while instead of just beating down on them.

So uh.

If anyone has any episodes of QaF they could share, I wouldn't mind :D

Edit: ALRIGHT SO ANYONE ELSE TELL ME IF YOU FIND THIS IRONIC.

The first video that I watch of Queer as Folk is of Brian and Justin (I think?) talking about coffee and Justin (I think) mentioning the SATs and college. AND HE CAN GET INTO ANY COLLEGE HE WANTS WITH A 1500. When was this made??

...I'm obsessed with college. Like, no joke, if you want to start a conversation with me that involves me ranting and rambling and generally shooting my mouth off, start with college.

Heart daaaay <3

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:15:41 GMT

I really need to figure out how to make the tags for posts, it just looks so organized and fuun.

...yeah. Veeday. I DUNNO LIKE. I don't have any strong opinions about this holiday, it's always been for me to have fun and pig out on candy hearts and bigass chunks of chocolate. It's probably 'cause I've never actually been with a guy on valentine's, and it's made me all cynical and shit about this pinkyflinky holiday. I really need to plan out my relationships more. I KNOW next time I'll be like, "NO WAIT WE CAN'T GO OUT WE HAVE TO WAIT 'TILL FEBRUARY". I can see that totally working.

I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T BE DEEP ABOUT THIS, and I'll end up being all vapid and boring and like. Steam-producing. Jesuuuus, it's like my brain goes on hold and all I can churn out are teensy stunted sentences which have absolutely no relation to each other, aslghlgkjsdgh. Whatever, I think I'll resign myself to being an old boring cat lady who scares all the kiddies on the block away with the BOREDOM seeping through my to-be-inflated pores.

And tonight's the niiiiighhhhtt! Make Me a Supermodel is honestly the best show on earth, so screw everyone who's all self-righteous and snotty and like, "oh well I'm mature and I don't watch such shallow programs" OK SHUT UP A) YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING AND B) PSSHHH YEAH RIGHT I BET YOU'RE SECRETLY OBSESSING OVER THE GAY.

Excited, yes I ammm.

oh peee esss.
How do I get those cutesy little smiley thingers which go with my mood? :]

breaking into the habit

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 04:20:17 GMT

Righty-O. Second post, and it only took me half the day to gather up the courage to post this; I'm improving! So yeah. I figure, if I get through this urge not to post, I'll be able to write a lot more fluently and eventually, I can use this as a ranting journal for all my petty high school needs :D

I know that some of my reallife friends have LJs, but I think I should keep LJ and reallife separate. I dunno, part of me wants my friends to know all of me, not just offline-me, but then another part of me knows that they really don't care about my fandoms and whatnot, and they wouldn't understand anyway. Plus, it'd be so weird, seeing someone face-to-face but talking to them online, in ways other than Facebook and AIM/MSN. I went through this whole thing with fanfiction.net and this pet site that I used to go on (yeah yeah yeah, I'm how old?).

I don't suppose these journals are for being deep and introspective? I'm still trying to get used to it; I used to have a Xanga yeaaars back, and I only used it for recording the day's activities, or writing badly-disguised jabs at people I didn't like who were on Xanga as well, so mmfff.

I was just wondering why I can stay up so late, procrastinating, while I know that I'm not growing any taller by sitting at the computer screen, staring at IM screens, or my inbox to see who's replied to my comment so I can talk to people. And it's not even productive, I just mill around, surfing the net, googling whatever comes into my mind. The day I had my Historical Investigation due, I ended up reading about Columbine for two hours. You'd think that after dozens of mornings of absolute hell, my body would learn it's lesson and tell me to be /sleepy/ at four in the morning.

Gargghh, I just really want to write down my entire internet life-story, but I doubt I'd pay attention long enough for that. I'm already off figuring out how to label and store all my LJ mail in gmail. Plus, I feel bad for the really cool people on my friends list, who will probably see this and be like, wtf is this new girl blabbering about??. Oh, friends. I love friends :]

Woooo, first post.

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:41:03 GMT

Ahh, this feels weird. It's kinda like xanga, except not. And with amazing communities with gorgeous fanfiction, and ohgods, /literate/ people. Why I didn't decide to make a LJ before is beyond me.

I guess it's kinda pointless to write a post when no one really knows who I am, but I figure, I might as well start somewhere? Oh craap, I've got so much work to do, and it's just lying there and probably growing as I type, alskjgjalkshg. That scratches out the biglong introduction about myself idea, I'll probably just ease that in in future rantposts, haha.

I'm so excited now, I love joining new communities and making new friends; I know I'm probably going to regret joining when I'm addicted and trying desperately to finish homework, but I figure, it'll all be worth it in the end?

<3